Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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