I hate your face
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
