he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
