Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
