i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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