omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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