By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
