I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
