Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
