I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
