I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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