she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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