using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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