Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
