I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
