i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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