My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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