Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
