I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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