the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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