We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
