no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
