hell yes lets make some ravioli
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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