thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
