guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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