You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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