I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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