this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
