Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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