Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
