Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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