i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
