yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
