nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I met the friendliest cop last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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