Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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