I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You ruined the universe
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
