I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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