I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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