Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
