Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
