I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
