It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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