The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
