if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
