I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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