He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
