I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
