Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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