I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he puts the penis in happiness.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't notice because vodka
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
