Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
