i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
