I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
