I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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