the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm always down for nudity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
