Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Vodka?
Forever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
