Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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