I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.