we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.