I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet