I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.