Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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  (201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg
  Replies (39) Good night (2860) Bad night (711)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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  (614): If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes http://tfl.nu/ijgu
  Replies (8) Good night (979) Bad night (3258)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Maybe....

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

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  (540): Are you pooping in the stall next to me? (404): Maybe.... (540): Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts. http://tfl.nu/wph3
  Replies (82) Good night (4468) Bad night (5245)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

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  (614): It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask. http://tfl.nu/r7za
  Replies (8) Good night (8237) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

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  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
  Replies (13) Good night (5164) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five

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  (240): just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five http://tfl.nu/swbm
  Replies (9) Good night (5243) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out

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  (518): At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out http://tfl.nu/bjrp
  Replies (5) Good night (1187) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"

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  (425): I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?" http://tfl.nu/i35w
  Replies (9) Good night (3813) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

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  (304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh
  Replies (6) Good night (1560) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.

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  (919): You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober. http://tfl.nu/j9kh
  Replies (0) Good night (481) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

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  (303): It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple. http://tfl.nu/6uwz
  Replies (1) Good night (550) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I

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  (214): This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I http://tfl.nu/v4qv
  Replies (7) Good night (449) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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  (618): ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL http://tfl.nu/3dit
  Replies (3) Good night (691) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....

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  (913): The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean? (1-913): Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy..... http://tfl.nu/mjqc
  Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house

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  (617): I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house http://tfl.nu/9ik3
  Replies (0) Good night (187) Bad night (357)

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