And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.