the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
