I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
