he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
where does the pee come out of this thing
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
