so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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