He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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