this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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