Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A+ Viking dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
