my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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