I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
