it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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