You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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