So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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