So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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