I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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